singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
