New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
