I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
