so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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