maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize