Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
