That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My penis needs a shock collar
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
