My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
