FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
