is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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