and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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