Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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