Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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