So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
