He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
