Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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