So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If I die, sorry about rent.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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