THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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