I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
