Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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