i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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