It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
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I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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