we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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