Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
