I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
