Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(504): View more from Louisiana

All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.

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(301): View more from Maryland

look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.

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(707): View more from California

And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.

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(573): View more from Missouri

i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house

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(206): View more from Washington

Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.

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(815): View more from Illinois

while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.

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(620): View more from Kansas

She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?

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