he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
