Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
