your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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