he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
