The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
