All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I will be naked everywhere
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
