i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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