you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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