I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
