I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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