**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
