So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
