if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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