obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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