Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
