you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
