just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
