there's paper in my vomit.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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