You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
