I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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