it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
