she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
