I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
