May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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