i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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