And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
