Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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