Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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