somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
