I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
