how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
