i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
