A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
