Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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