She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
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Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
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Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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