one might say we're banned from that church
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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