He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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