I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Randomize
