the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
