i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
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The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
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I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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