Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
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