She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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