Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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